PART ONE

INTRODUCTION TO RADICAL LISTENING

Most of us recognize the value of great listening. In fact, most people are familiar with approaches to "active listening" and employ conversational techniques such as maintaining eye contact, nodding, and repeating speaker statements. Here, we present an alternative approach that builds on traditional active listening but extends it in dynamic ways. We present a simple but powerful framework for listening that includes attention to a listener's motivation as well as to both the mental and behavioral aspects of listening.

CHAPTER ONE

THE BENEFITS OF RADICAL LISTENING

Perhaps you are holding a copy of Radical Listening in a bookstore. Maybe you are reading a free sample chapter online. This moment might feel like a first date—as you try to decide whether this feels right for you. From a business perspective, you might be asking, "Why should I purchase this book? What is the value of engaging with it?" It is also possible, of course, that you have already purchased this book. But even then, it is reasonable for you to be wondering whether this book is worth the investment of your time and mental energy. We are glad that you have these questions. Let's address them straightaway!

To start with, if this were a first date, we would be delighted. You are the person with whom we want to connect. You are interested in enhancing your listening and you are curious—the perfect reader! This book is all about listening and the art of true connection. The basic unit of communication is the conversation. It is how we come to know one another, teach and learn from one another, cooperate in groups, care for each other, and challenge one another. It is how we fall in love, how we convey our needs and wants, how we acknowledge and appreciate others. At least half of all conversations are made up of the dynamic skills of listening. When you listen better, you improve the quality of conversations. In turn, better conversations lead to better relationships.

Now is the time to learn about Radical Listening. We live in an era where connection is sorely needed. People living in many technologically and economically developed societies are getting lonelier. In the United States, for instance, levels of trust have been declining over the last fifty years. In one survey, about a quarter of all people in Great Britain said that they experience loneliness "always, often, or some of the time." It is a statistic that is concerning enough that a Minister of Loneliness was appointed. In addition, increases in screen time mean that people spend less and less time in-person with their friends and family members. Even when people sit together, they can be glued to the many screens that they now access on a minute-by-minute basis. The sense of isolation was magnified by the COVID-19 pandemic and the strict quarantine, social distancing, and face-masking measures. A lack of connection is not only a social issue, it has physical consequences. Research reveals that the increased risk of heart disease, stroke, depression, and dementia—including a higher likelihood of premature death—is roughly equivalent to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Better human relationships may be the remedy and Radical Listening is one of the ways of strengthening the connections between us. By listening radically, we can connect with one another effectively, have more engaging conversations, improve our relationships, and experience greater levels of well-being.

A quick glance at your news app will remind you that we are living through an era of increased violence, tribalism, and conflict. There are highly visible armed conflicts in Ukraine, the Middle East, Sudan, and many other parts of the world. A recent poll from the Pew Charitable Trust reveals that Americans today are more likely to demonize fellow citizens who do not share their political views. For example, in 2016, 41 percent of survey respondents thought that members of the opposing political party were immoral. By 2022, that number had spiked to 66 percent. In fact, the Chicago Council Survey found that most Americans consider other Americans to be the biggest threat to their way of life (2023).

Even in the face of such polarization, we dispense with ineffective exhortations about "doing the right thing" and "being kind" in favor of making the case that Radical Listening will be good for you and the people around you. Yes, even as you listen to others better, you will benefit from the approaches set out in this book. You will develop stronger connections with others; increase the positive relationships in your life; and be perceived as an empowering and empathetic leader, colleague, or parent. The people you listen to will be able to do their best thinking; feel valued and appreciated; and feel connected to a wider network. The most powerful aspect of Radical Listening is that it is a mutually beneficial interaction.

PART ONE

INTRODUCTION TO RADICAL LISTENING

Most of us recognize the value of great listening. In fact, most people are familiar with approaches to "active listening" and employ conversational techniques such as maintaining eye contact, nodding, and repeating speaker statements. Here, we present an alternative approach that builds on traditional active listening but extends it in dynamic ways. We present a simple but powerful framework for listening that includes attention to a listener's motivation as well as to both the mental and behavioral aspects of listening.

CHAPTER ONE

THE BENEFITS OF RADICAL LISTENING

Perhaps you are holding a copy of Radical Listening in a bookstore. Maybe you are reading a free sample chapter online. This moment might feel like a first date—as you try to decide whether this feels right for you. From a business perspective, you might be asking, "Why should I purchase this book? What is the value of engaging with it?" It is also possible, of course, that you have already purchased this book. But even then, it is reasonable for you to be wondering whether this book is worth the investment of your time and mental energy. We are glad that you have these questions. Let's address them straightaway!

To start with, if this were a first date, we would be delighted. You are the person with whom we want to connect. You are interested in enhancing your listening and you are curious—the perfect reader! This book is all about listening and the art of true connection. The basic unit of communication is the conversation. It is how we come to know one another, teach and learn from one another, cooperate in groups, care for each other, and challenge one another. It is how we fall in love, how we convey our needs and wants, how we acknowledge and appreciate others. At least half of all conversations are made up of the dynamic skills of listening. When you listen better, you improve the quality of conversations. In turn, better conversations lead to better relationships.

Now is the time to learn about Radical Listening. We live in an era where connection is sorely needed. People living in many technologically and economically developed societies are getting lonelier. In the United States, for instance, levels of trust have been declining over the last fifty years. In one survey, about a quarter of all people in Great Britain said that they experience loneliness "always, often, or some of the time." It is a statistic that is concerning enough that a Minister of Loneliness was appointed. In addition, increases in screen time mean that people spend less and less time in-person with their friends and family members. Even when people sit together, they can be glued to the many screens that they now access on a minute-by-minute basis. The sense of isolation was magnified by the COVID-19 pandemic and the strict quarantine, social distancing, and face-masking measures. A lack of connection is not only a social issue, it has physical consequences. Research reveals that the increased risk of heart disease, stroke, depression, and dementia—including a higher likelihood of premature death—is roughly equivalent to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Better human relationships may be the remedy and Radical Listening is one of the ways of strengthening the connections between us. By listening radically, we can connect with one another effectively, have more engaging conversations, improve our relationships, and experience greater levels of well-being.

A quick glance at your news app will remind you that we are living through an era of increased violence, tribalism, and conflict. There are highly visible armed conflicts in Ukraine, the Middle East, Sudan, and many other parts of the world. A recent poll from the Pew Charitable Trust reveals that Americans today are more likely to demonize fellow citizens who do not share their political views. For example, in 2016, 41 percent of survey respondents thought that members of the opposing political party were immoral. By 2022, that number had spiked to 66 percent. In fact, the Chicago Council Survey found that most Americans consider other Americans to be the biggest threat to their way of life (2023).

Even in the face of such polarization, we dispense with ineffective exhortations about "doing the right thing" and "being kind" in favor of making the case that Radical Listening will be good for you and the people around you. Yes, even as you listen to others better, you will benefit from the approaches set out in this book. You will develop stronger connections with others; increase the positive relationships in your life; and be perceived as an empowering and empathetic leader, colleague, or parent. The people you listen to will be able to do their best thinking; feel valued and appreciated; and feel connected to a wider network. The most powerful aspect of Radical Listening is that it is a mutually beneficial interaction.